Declare What You’re Working Towards
Over the last 10 summers I’ve primarily worked at the kitchen table or living room couch. We did have a stint with our own studio/office – but the office was primarily Dan’s for editing – since writing emails/blogging can be done anywhere with internet and a lap ; )
So last fall and into the winter I gradually got rid of the items we collected for our baby nursery. Not out of giving up, but out of a need to have a space of my own. A place where I could dig in and clearly declare my own goals and work towards them.
Working from your own home and being your own boss certainly has it’s benefits. We can take off when we want to, we can travel as we’re able and we can choose to work in our pajammas. However, for someone like me who isn’t naturally focused or driven, it certainly has added a layer of complication. On top of that, for many years now I truly was in a holding pattern…
You see, 6 years ago this week we had a miscarriage. It was our first (and only to date) pregnancy and when that didn’t carry to term I found myself in a new season of – limbo – or waiting. For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a mom. Once DnK Photography started, I figured we’d do this full-time photographer thing for a few years, have kids and then I would just do some portraits here and there, we’d do a small handful of weddings each year and Dan would get a day job.
But it didn’t take long for my waiting to turn into the unintentional surrendering of my dreams.
At this point in my life there were a few things happening simultaneously that assisted in a sort of stupor that I am now, as of 2017 waking up from. At the time we got pregnant we had been trusting in God’s timing for 2 1/2 years – no birth control, no planning. Just waiting for divine intervention to usher us into parenthood. After the miscarriage I clung dearly to the adage that it happened for a reason and that it was all in God’s plan for our lives (which I still believe). But at that time I moreso used it as a war cry, pounding it into my head, numbing myself from the fear that my dreams of parenthood might not ever happen.
But instead of this mantra moving me forward to a place of healing, self-reflection and growth, it catapulted me into trying to force us into making a family happen. We tried for about a year, did tests and then were in the waiting pool of hopeful adoptive parents for 2 years. Photography became the thing we did (and thankfully also really enjoyed) as we waited to become parents. But we always were just planning about a year in advance. By default, that’s what happens when you are a wedding photographer, but we never took the next step to look past that next year into our future.
It wasn’t until earlier this year that we ruthlessly evaluated where we are and declared where we were going.
It is a very freeing thing to release yourself from the limbo you’re in and truly analyze where you’re headed. Once we were able to stop looking at our lives year by year and look towards the end of our lives – it was then that we were able to start writing our story in reverse.
Know that we’re keenly aware of the fact that there is a good chance things will happen very differently then we have them planned right now – but the difference is – we have a vision. Not just a “now until next summer” plan. We have clear tasks in front of us that enable us to take small steps today which will equip us to take the bigger leaps we need to in order for us to achieve the ambitions laid on our hearts.
We have been SO blessed by our journey as photographers. We are thrilled to partake in such important days as the coming together of two lives. We still have the honor of photographing unions this year and next but we also get the pleasure of having a vision for where our other gifts and abilities will take us. Both of those things just make my heart sing songs of joy.
Because of the miscarriage, I gained a new understanding of the song “It is Well with My Soul” and then when I learned about the story behind the song I had a new appreciation of it. Now? I have a new grasp of it’s many depths.
I believe we are all made for greater things. Those things are often born out of suffering or pain. But those things are also things you are uniquely equipped for with the gifts and talents only you were given. Yes, there’s a good chance there are other people out there that are better at something than you are – but only you have the combination, timing, history and purpose to accomplish your great things.
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